Mike J: No, all the Marvel movies must be connected! ( pictures from various Marvel movies show) He came through the Rainbow Bridge (Bifrost) to have Ghost Rider join the Avengers! This created a time paradox, where The Human Torch became Captain America (showing Chris Evans who plays both Human Torch and Captain America), Bruce Banner would get plastic surgery, twice (showing Eric Bana, Edward Norton and Mark Ruffalo), and Howard the Duck would exist in a universe where he can actually be funny! (clip from Guardians of the Galaxy) Now what doesn't make sense about that? Mike J: Oh, my God, it's Heimdall from Thor! NC: (vo) But nope, we get our drawn out movie, starting in the leftover castle from Bloodrayne, where a biker, played by Idris Elba, rides in. NC: ( agreeing) Yeah, they probably should've done that. Mike J: Actually, that would've been better. that even the film logo is too slow for them to watch? Why don't you just speed up the whole fucking movie like- ( cut to Nicolas Cage in the movie) ( NC as Nicolas Cage) I was Ghost Rider! Bye! ( cut to the film's end credits) That fucking fast speed editing! Do you really think your audience is so A.D.D. (C ut to the Columbia logo, which zooms out fast) Mike J: This is Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. NC: Isn't that the call of every Nicolas Cage movie? Mike J: So, Critic, are you ready to once again to see the hideous lengths Nicolas Cage is willing to go to for a paycheck? They're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brai. ( Cut to Film Brain, crying in his bed, a Nostalgia Critic doll curled in his arms, while looking at a picture of Pinky and the Brain, as sad music plays)įilm Brain: ( singing while crying) They're laboratory mice. He's gonna be out of commission for a while.
Mike J: What, you mean Film Brain? Don't worry about him. That might anger another Brit wanting to do a crossover. NC: You know, the only other issue I have is that you're a Brit wanting to do a crossover. Mike J: Nobody, not even you, you re-reviewing prick, should review it on their own. It's ludicrous, it makes no sense, and it's a pain in the ass to sit through. For every problem they try to fix from the last movie, two more just as ridiculous take its place. Mike J: (vo) Whereas the first film was underwhelming and silly, this one is painful and obnoxious. (A guitar riff is heard as the title and clips from the movie play) Mike J: Trust me, Critic, you need help on this one. NC: ( holds up all those items, pissed that Mike J guessed them all) GODDAMN IT! Mike J: An unopened Gameboy, a roll of Hello Kitty duct tape, and an Optimus Prime doll. NC: ( puts both his hands behind his back after flipping off) Again! NC: ( puts his hand behind his back again) Again. NC: ( puts his hand back behind his back when he flips Mike J off) Again. NC: Oh, yeah? Well, if you think you can predict everything that's mediocre, predict how many fingers I'm about to hold up! NC: Wait a minute, that means you think I'm mediocre! Mike J: Because this movie is actually so repetitive and predictable, it's actually given me the ability to predict everything in the world which is mediocre. NC: Wait, how do you know everything I'm going to say? Mike J: I've done it because no reviewer, not even the Nostalgia Critic, who has re-reviewed about ten films I reviewed, but we'll just ignore that all together, because I can let things go like that, should have to sit through this flaming skull of dog shit alone. Critic, I found a way to record myself onto every Ghost Rider 2 DVD in the world. NC: Mike J? From Shameful Sequels? Of ? ( pause and game show music starts with a picture of Mike J in the top right corner) Born in 1984, Mike J enjoyed a simple childhood of. ( NC plays the movie, but suddenly, we see static as Mike J appears on screen) barking dogs of entitlement! ( picks up the DVD) Here's the goddamn DVD! ( picks up remote) Here's the goddamn remote! Let's goddamn watch it! I remember it- ( calm demeanor becomes angry) -BECAUSE YOU WON'T FUCKING SHUT UP!! I mean, by God, ever since I reviewed the first Ghost Rider movie, all you guys have been saying is "Review Ghost Rider 2! Review Ghost Rider 2! It's so much worse than the first one!" Well, fine, you. ( Cue the intro and theme song, then cut to NC)
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